What if?
by awakeinthestorm
Summary: A collection of 'what if...' one-shots. What is Ron was in love with McGonagall? What if Draco got on a sugar high? What if Fred and George were girls? And many more. Just short, hopefully, funny, random thoughts written down.
1. Ron was in love with McGonagall?

What if?

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Harry Potter; J.K Rowling does**

**A/N: This is just a collection of one shots that drift around my mind wanting to get out. So I write them down and post them here for you to read! They are very short and silly. I usually don't write this kind of stuff, my theme mostly being gothic-ness and depressing stuff!**

What if Ron was in love with Professor McGonagall?

"Ron, Truth or Dare?" Questioned Harry.

"Truth!" Came the blurted reply. Harry snorted, Ron always picked 'Truth', he hadn't picked 'Dare' ever since he had to write a love note to Gregory Goyle! Now that was funny; who knew Goyle had had a crush on Ron since first year? Nobody, that's for sure!

"Hmm…Are you in love with anyone? If yes, then who?"

Ron blushed. "N-no-nobody." He stuttered.

"Come on Ron, we know you're lying." Cooed Hermione.

Yes! She thought! He's going to admit his love for me! Come on…

The red head mumbled something.

"What was that?" Harry chuckled

"Professor McGonagall alright!"

Jaws dropped.

…

…

…

Hermione was hurt at this. I thought he really liked me. She frowned and a tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it not wanting to show her weakness in front of the boys.

…

…

…

Harry couldn't believe it. "WHAT!?" He yelled.

Ron's face was crimson at this point. "Let's just carry on." He grunted.

So they did.

"Hermione, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to…stand up on the bench in dinner and take off your top!" Ron wanted revenge for having to share his embarrassing secret, even though she hadn't asked the question.

"Ronald Weasley you better keep one eye open when you're sleeping tonight…"

Gulp.

"You're gunna do it?" Asked a stunned Harry.

"I do not back out of dares!" She retorted. "Now Harry. Truth or Dare?"

He hesitated. He didn't want to spill any embarrassing secrets but the mood Hermione was in guaranteed a horrible dare. "…Dare?" He was still unsure.

Pause. Hermione had an evil glint in her eye."I dare you to start singing 'My Sex Is On Fire' by Kings of Leon in the Great Hall while I'm doing my dare!" Hermione thought this would take some attention off of her during dinner.

"Oh my god, Hermione!" Groaned Harry. "You are so evil."

"Ron," Started Harry. "Truth or Dare?"

Ron thinking he didn't want more secrets spilled said dare.

"I dare you to yell to the whole hall at dinner that you love professor McGonagall!"

Ron was mad. "No! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME DO IT?"

"No, you have to do it!" Stated Harry. "Me and Hermione are doing ours!"

"Hermione and I, Harry. I've told you this a dozen times before! Your grammar really does need improving. If you tried as hard with everything as you do with Defence Against the Dark Arts we wouldn't have this problem now, would we? Perhaps we should make a study club! Yes, I actually think that is a really good idea. Now we have to come up with a name… ideas boys? Ooooh, how about we create a mind-map. Then we can vote for our favourite idea name once we have our group established. And.." Hermione hadn't noticed that the boys had slowly crept away as she progressed in her speech whilst grasping at some parchment and a quill.

"When do you think she'll notice we're gone?"

"Not long now, it has been.. what?" Ron checked his watch. "Twenty minutes?"

"I suppose we better start heading back then. Dinner is in an hour. Best not be late."

"Yeah. I guess." Ron agreed as they turned round and started heading back up to the stairs and towards Gryffindor tower. "Why do we play Truth and Dare again? We only get ourselves into awkward embarrassing situations."

"I agree, you think I would've learnt after last time, I had green and silver hair for weeks."

Ron roared with laughter collapsing a hand on Harry's shoulder for support. " I actually don't blame Malfoy for that one. I would've done a lot worse if you had tried to grab my.."

Harry slammed his hand over Ron's mouth glancing around quickly. "Shut up! It's bad enough Hermione had the nerve to dare me to do it, but even worse that I actually complied! I should have taken the forfeit." Groaned Harry. They had nearly reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"What!? And walk in to the Great Hall naked and give Professor Snape a bloody lap dance! Rather you than I Harry."

"We should really stand up for ourselves and stop Hermione doing these things to us. Me and Neville have been.."

"Neville and I, Harry. Remember! Correct grammar please." Ron trilled in 'Mione's soprano tones.

They both bent over double then with un-restrained cackles filling the corridor while tears streamed down their faces.

They walked to the hall feeling sick.

Oh no. The hall was filled with students. Harry swore Hermione had turned green.

"Let's do it." She declared as they stood at the entrance. "Harry start singing. Loudly."

_Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound  
I know they're watching, they're watching  
All the commotion, the kiddie like play  
Has people talking, talking_

Harry belted making the hall silence and stare at the Golden trio in bewilderment.

You, your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley, the breaking of day  
The head while I'm driving, I'm driving  
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale  
Feels like you're dying, you're dying

Hermione took her top off then showing her pick lacy bra. A lot of boys wolf whistled.

"Whooo! Go Granger"

"Who knew what the Gryffindor princesses was hiding under those clothes!"

Hermione turned bright red. Standing awkwardly next to Harry who was still yelling the lyrics. The teachers looked stunned.

You, your sex is on fire  
Consumed with what's to transpire

Hot as a fever, rattling bones  
I could just taste it, taste it  
If it's not forever, if it's just tonight  
Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest

You, your sex is on fire  
And you, your sex is on fire  
Consumed with what's to transpire

And you, your sex is on fire  
Consumed with what's to transpire

"I'M IN LOVE WITH PROFESSOR MCGONAGOLL!" Exclaimed Ron, before the three of them sprinted from the silent hall.

After a moment it erupted in cheers.

"WHAT A PERFORMANCE POTTER!"

"THAT BODY!"

"ARE YOU SICK WEASLEY?!"

"SILENCE!" Came McGonagall's shout.

"The three of them will get detention and you will too if you EVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!" Stormed the flustered Professor.

All this because Ron was in love with Professor McGonagall…

**A/N: Suggestions would be cool! Please review?**

**awakeinthestorm x**


	2. Crabbe had a crush on Ron?

What if Crabbe had a crush on Ron?

**Crabbe**

I gazed over at my crush. His red hair was spiked up today and his piercing blue eyes gazing at his roast potatoes in front of him. Oh, if only I could be a roast potato, I thought. Nothing would please me more than to have him look at _me_ like that.

"Crabbe. Crabbe! Are you listening?" The annoying blond yelled at me.

"What? Eh? Yeah."

"Stupid oaf." He muttered. I ignored him

Suddenly a small twittery owl landed in front of me.

"What's that Vincent?" Questioned Draco as I spotted my name on the parcel.

"Dunno." I answered ripping the envelope open.

_Dear Vincent,_

_Your hair is as grizzly as a bear,_

_Your eyes are the dullest black,_

_I so do love and care,_

_Please tell me you do back!_

_I don't know how to tell you this but I'm in love with you. It happened when we came back from the castle and I saw you bathed in moonlight at the window. _

_I fell in love with your muddy brown eyes and your bristly hair and most importantly you._

_Please tell me if you return my feelings?_

_Love your admirer Ronald Weasley_

I was in shock. He actually loved me? The crush of my life since first year loved me?

I sprinted to potions. He was there lining up next to Potter and Granger.

I ran up to him and cupped his face in my large hands.

"I love you too. I have ever since I saw you there sitting on the train on our first day." I gasped before pulling his face to mine and snogging him in front of everyone.

He ripped away from my grip turning my dream into a nightmare.

"It was a dare! A bloody dare! I don't like you. For the love of god, I just hate you." He stumbled before running away leaving everyone staring at me wide-eyed.

"Ha ha." I chuckled. Malfoy stood at the corner. He obviously saw everything.

"It was a joke. Just a joke. I don't love Weasley. He's a blood traitor and stuff… yeah." I cringed before striding down the hall in the opposite direction from Ron.

I should've known. No-one could ever love me. I'm a monster. An ugly monster. I could never deserve the perfect redhead. My heart was breaking…

**awakeinthestorm x**


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